Coach Me...Maybe

I have coached teachers, business owners, people mid-promotion, mid-burnout, and mid-existential wobble. Some have been wildly different from me; a few could have been my reflection with better lighting.

What I have noticed is this: when a coachee lights up, it is not because I share their job title, home country, or professional scars. It is because I am present, they feel heard, and the coaching is working.

Still, the idea lingers—that your coach should somehow be like you. That shared experience is shorthand for deeper understanding. But how much does that really matter?

There are those who gravitate towards similarity in their coaches. It feels safe. You spend less time explaining and more time exploring. There is a comforting rhythm to conversations where the other person just gets it. No footnotes needed.

But comfort is not the same as impact.

Similarity can sometimes create a false sense of alignment. A coach who sees their own story in yours might unconsciously direct you towards the choices they would make. It is no longer about you. It is a guided tour of their hindsight.

Coaching is not about advice (even though it is tempting). It is not about a matching biography. It is about the quality of the space held for thinking. And that comes down to skill, not similarity.

In fact, difference can be powerful. A coach who does not share your context will ask questions others might never consider. They are not filling in the blanks for you. They are letting you do it. That unfamiliarity creates space for insight.

Research supports this. A 2015 study by Ianiro, Lehmann-Willenbrock, and Kauffeld highlighted that the effectiveness of coaching is closely linked to the coach’s ability to adapt their communication style and build a strong working alliance—not whether they have ticked the same boxes in life.

So where does that leave me?

I have worked in education for over 25 years and am an experienced Principal of an international school. I have worked in four countries and have the usual international education stories—visa runs, term-time relocations, challenging recruitment, start-up schools, established schools, for profit schools and not-for-profit. I understand the world many of my coachees live in.

But that does not mean I only coach people like me. Nor should I. Nor should you seek only the familiar when you are looking for someone to help you think better.

Coaching is not a mirror. It is a catalyst.

If you want someone to nod along and confirm everything you already believe, call a friend. If you want someone to walk beside you while you figure out what matters, what is next, and what is yours—not theirs—then find a coach with the skill to hold that kind of space.

And no, they do not need to know what a staff briefing is or have a passport full of entry stamps. They just need to know how to listen, ask the right questions at the right time, and get out of the way when it counts.