Is Being Right Leading You In The Wrong Direction?

“I'd far rather be happy than right any day."

How often do we find ourselves fighting to be right, even when the topic at hand does not really matter? A difference of opinion with a colleague, a slight disagreement with a friend, or just something that starts as a casual exchange but turns into a battle over who is correct. It happens to all of us, but it is easy to overlook what we are really doing when we become too attached to being right.

The trouble is that we tend to cling to our position, sometimes without realising the cost. So often, we forget that the real goal is understanding, not validation.

In NLP, we learn to recognise when we are reacting from a place of defensiveness. That instinct to be right is often rooted in an emotional reaction, rather than a conscious decision. So, what do we do when we catch ourselves in these moments? NLP gives us tools to shift our approach.

Reframing is one of the key techniques in NLP that helps us take a step back from the need to be right. Instead of focusing on defending our position, reframing helps us to shift our thinking. It allows us to look at the situation as an opportunity to learn, rather than to win. Reframing is about seeing things from a different perspective—one where the goal is not to prove ourselves right, but to gain a better understanding of the other person’s point of view.

We also use anchoring in NLP to manage our emotional responses in these situations. Anchoring is a simple yet powerful technique that helps us create a mental or emotional trigger to reset ourselves in moments of tension. When we feel ourselves getting defensive, we can use an anchor to bring ourselves back to a calmer state. This allows us to approach the conversation with a clearer mind and a greater willingness to listen, rather than simply focusing on winning the argument.

Another tool we use in NLP is improving our sensory awareness. This means paying close attention not just to the words being said, but also to body language, tone of voice, and the subtle signs we might otherwise miss. Sensory awareness helps us respond to the other person’s feelings and intentions, which makes our interactions more meaningful. It is about listening fully, beyond just what is said, and being present in the conversation.

Finally, it is crucial to recognise that being wrong is not something to fear. In fact, being wrong is often the key to growth. NLP helps us to reframe our relationship with mistakes and failure. When we let go of the need to be right, we create space for learning. We open ourselves up to new information and insights. And the best part is, it strengthens our ability to connect with others, because it allows us to engage from a place of curiosity, rather than defensiveness.

So, the next time you find yourself in a situation where the stakes of being right feel high, pause and ask: What am I really after here? Is it validation, or is it the chance to understand something new? When we make the decision to shift away from needing to be right, we create more space for connection, learning, and growth.

NLP helps us to recognise the patterns that drive our reactions and gives us the tools to change them. By applying reframing, anchoring, and sensory awareness, we can approach conversations with an open mind and a willingness to learn, rather than a desire to prove ourselves right. Ultimately, it is not about being right—it is about understanding, growing, and building stronger connections with the people around us.