Thanks for connecting. Enjoy the unlearning

A few months ago, I decided to expand my professional network. As an NLP coach, I've experienced the transformative power of connection, and LinkedIn seemed the perfect platform to meet like-minded professionals. I sent out several personalised invitations, each carefully crafted to spark meaningful conversations. One reply stopped me in my tracks. It wasn't a question or a conversation starter, but a short, almost cryptic comment:

"Thanks for connecting. Enjoy the unlearning."

Was this a polite dismissal or an invitation to profound coaching insight? That simple phrase became a catalyst for deep reflection in my coaching practice. After sitting with this uncertainty for several days, I reached out to the sender. Their response opened up a fascinating dialogue about the nature of growth and transformation in coaching.

Understanding the Art of Unlearning

Unlearning isn't about erasing our knowledge or dismissing our experience. Instead, it's about consciously examining and releasing outdated beliefs, ingrained habits, and limiting thought patterns that no longer serve us or our coachees. As Clare Norman eloquently explains in her article, "Unlearning to Coach," we often enter coaching sessions carrying invisible baggage: preconceived notions about what constitutes "good" coaching, how we should listen, and what solutions might work best.

Think of unlearning like pruning a garden. Sometimes, we need to cut back healthy but overgrown branches to allow new growth to flourish. In coaching, this means becoming aware of when our expertise becomes a barrier rather than a bridge. It's about recognising those moments when our need to offer solutions drowns out the coachee's inner wisdom, or when our adherence to rigid frameworks stifles organic growth and discovery.

The Critical Role of Unlearning in Transformation

The power of unlearning revealed itself most clearly to me through my work with Sarah, a brilliant executive who approached every challenge with meticulous planning and analysis. Whilst this approach had fuelled her early career success, it had become a gilded cage, paralysing her ability to innovate and take necessary risks.

Through our work together, Sarah began to unlearn her belief that every move needed to be perfectly planned. As she released this constraint, she discovered a natural ability to navigate uncertainty with confidence. Within six months, she had launched a successful new division in her company - something her former self would have spent years analysing.

The Art of Creating Space

The most profound unlearning happens in the spaces between our certainties. When we pause before responding to a situation, we create room for new possibilities to emerge. This practice has transformed my coaching approach. Instead of rushing to fill silences or offer solutions, I've learnt to embrace these moments of uncertainty as fertile ground for discovery.

NLP has provided invaluable tools for this journey. Through pattern interruption, we can break free from habitual responses. Through reframing, we shift our perspective on situations that once seemed fixed and unmovable. These aren't just techniques to be applied mechanically - they're invitations to see the world through fresh eyes.

My Ongoing Unlearning Journey

That cryptic LinkedIn message evolved into a monthly dialogue with its sender, now my mentor in the art of unlearning. Through our conversations, I've discovered that unlearning is less about reaching a destination and more about cultivating a state of perpetual openness to growth.

I've come to trust that coachees have their own answers, even when they believe they don't. I've learnt to see uncertainty not as a void to be filled, but as a powerful space where transformation takes root. Each coaching session becomes an opportunity to practise this art of holding space for the unknown.

The Invitation Forward

Today, when I receive connection requests, I often share the same message that once perplexed me: "Enjoy the unlearning." Now, though, I include an invitation to dialogue about what that means for them. The conversations that follow are often the beginning of transformative professional relationships.

As you reflect on your own journey, consider what beliefs you might be ready to examine. What certainties could you hold more lightly? What new possibilities might emerge if you created space for the unknown?

In the end, unlearning isn't about discarding everything we know. It's about creating space for new possibilities to emerge. Sometimes the most profound growth comes not from acquiring new knowledge, but from letting go of what we think we know.

What might you be ready to unlearn today?