Unconscious Incompetence to Confident Coaching: My NLP Learning Journey

When I began my NLP coaching course, I felt an exciting mix of curiosity and uncertainty. While I was eager to learn new techniques and refine my coaching practice, I hadn’t yet realised how much I needed to understand—not just about NLP itself but about how I learn. Over time, my progress became clearer as I reflected on two key learning theories: the Four Stages of Competence and the Behavioural Continuum. Both models helped me frame my journey and provided valuable insights into how I’ve grown as a coach.

The Four Stages of Competence provided a roadmap for understanding the challenges I faced and the progress I made. At the outset, I was firmly rooted in the stage of unconscious incompetence. I didn’t know what I didn’t know, and concepts such as submodalities, anchoring, and rapport-building felt abstract and distant. I had an enthusiasm for learning, but I hadn’t yet grasped the complexity of these techniques or how to use them effectively.

As I delved deeper into the course, I moved into conscious incompetence. This was a humbling phase, as I became painfully aware of the gap between my aspirations and my abilities. Applying models like GROW during practice sessions was clunky, requiring immense concentration. However, I began to appreciate the importance of patience and persistence, understanding that this discomfort was a necessary part of growth.

Through continuous practice and feedback, I transitioned into conscious competence. Coaching sessions became opportunities to apply my learning deliberately. While it took effort to focus on the nuances of each technique, I started to see positive outcomes, including moments where coachees responded with insight and clarity. These small wins reinforced my confidence and encouraged me to keep improving. Eventually, I began experiencing glimpses of unconscious competence. Skills that once felt awkward—such as reframing perspectives or intuitively guiding a coachee—started to flow naturally. These moments were deeply satisfying, as they showed how far I had come and the potential for further growth.

Alongside the Four Stages of Competence, the Behavioural Continuum provided another layer of understanding. At the beginning of my journey, I relied heavily on the guidance of my trainers, detailed course materials, and structured frameworks. This dependence was essential, as it gave me a strong foundation to build upon. Over time, as my confidence grew, I began to experiment with techniques and adapt them to suit my coaching style. For example, I developed a more fluid approach to using anchoring, trusting my instincts to guide the process while still remaining grounded in the principles of NLP. This shift from dependence to autonomy wasn’t just about technical mastery; it was about finding my authentic voice as a coach.

My growth as a learner is evident through the reflections I recorded in my journal, which became a space to capture insights, challenges, and breakthroughs. Early on, I documented my struggles with submodalities, noting how I often overthought each step, hesitated, and doubted my ability to use the technique effectively. Months later, I wrote about a session where I applied the same technique effortlessly, guiding a coachee to a significant realisation. This moment highlighted not only my technical improvement but also my growing confidence in trusting the coaching process.

Feedback from my trainers, peers, and coachees also played a critical role in my development. Their observations provided clarity on areas where I was excelling and where I needed to refine my approach. Every session, whether a success or a learning experience, contributed to my understanding and application of NLP techniques.

Reflecting on this journey, I’ve come to appreciate that learning is not a linear path. Each stage of the process—from initial confusion to confident execution—has its own value. Recognising the Four Stages of Competence helps me empathise with the learning journeys of my coachees, meeting them where they are and encouraging them through their own challenges. Similarly, the Behavioural Continuum reminds me of the importance of supporting coachees as they move from reliance on external guidance to greater self-trust and autonomy.

The most profound lesson I’ve taken from this experience is that mastery is not a destination. It’s an ongoing process of discovery, reflection, and growth. Embracing each stage of the journey, however uncomfortable or rewarding, has taught me to value the art of becoming—not just as a coach but as a lifelong learner.

Through the insights provided by the Four Stages of Competence and the Behavioural Continuum, I can confidently demonstrate how far I’ve come in my NLP coaching journey. More importantly, I am inspired to continue growing, learning, and sharing the transformative power of coaching.