Who Lurks in Your Shadows?

If you know, you know.....

Have you ever noticed how your mood shifts depending on who you're with? It's as if the people around us have an invisible influence on our emotions, our energy, and even our outlook on life. This reminds me of the analogy about the about crabs in a bucket. If one tries to escape, the others will pull it back down. Left unchecked, the crabs will keep each other trapped, not through malice, but instinct. It’s a striking metaphor for life—without intentionality, the people around us can either lift us up or, unknowingly, hold us back.

As Shane Parrish says 'Show me your role models and i'll show you your future.'

This is not about cutting people out of your life at the first sign of negativity, nor is it about surrounding yourself only with those who agree with you. It is about curation. In the same way an art gallery is not filled at random but carefully designed to evoke thought, inspiration, and meaning, we too must curate the relationships that shape our daily lives.

The Unseen Influence

We like to think we are independent, with a mind of our own. Yet, we are gradually being shaped by the energy, habits, and mindsets of those around us. Spend enough time with people who normalise cynicism, and your optimism may start to erode. Surround yourself with those who settle for ‘good enough,’ and your ambition may quietly diminish. Conversely, in the presence of those who strive, challenge, and support, you find yourself reaching for more. The real danger is drifting. Without conscious reflection, we often end up surrounded by whoever happened to be there—colleagues, old acquaintances, people we never truly chose. Over time, they influence our perspective, our self-belief, and even the opportunities we perceive as possible.

Coaching: A Mirror for Clarity

One of the most powerful aspects of coaching is that it offers clarity. It helps you see patterns—your own, and those in the people and dynamics around you. Through reflective questioning, coaching allows you to step back and observe: Who energises you? Who drains you? Who challenges you to be better? Who subtly reinforces your doubts? Who listens with intent? Who dismisses or minimises your aspirations? Where have you settled into relationships out of habit, rather than choice?

With awareness comes agency. Once you recognise the influence others have on you, you can start to make informed decisions—choosing mentors, friends, and colleagues who elevate rather than diminish you. This doesn’t mean crafting a life devoid of difficulty or challenge. In fact, the best people to have around you are not those who offer blind positivity but those who challenge you constructively, who hold up a mirror when you need it, and who remind you of your own strength when you forget.

Designing Your Future, Not Just Living It

We curate our playlists, our wardrobes, even our digital feeds—yet how often do we apply the same care to the people who shape our days and, ultimately, our lives? Coaching invites us to pause, reflect, and realign. It shifts us from passively coasting through relationships to consciously shaping our environment in a way that supports growth. The question is not who is around you? but rather, who do you choose to have around you? The difference may just define your future.